While surfing the net, I happened to find this quote:
One of the main characteristics of the Buddha, and one which we have present in all of us, is compassion. Compassion is often wrongly associated with being nice to people. In fact, there are times when it is not at all compassionate to be nice to someone because it just encourages them in their delusion.
Which is why I say to you, with the deepest compassion, that you are a complete dingbat….
Yes, the quote is funny and it brought a smile to my face. At the same time it made me think about the concept behind the word “compassion”. Like the speaker says, I think many people do equate “compassion” with “kindness”. After all, when we are showing compassion towards someone, aren’t we really being kind to them? Not really.
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word compassion comes from mid-14th century Old French compassion, from Late Latin compassionem (nominative compassio) “sympathy,” from compassus, past participle of compati “to feel pity,” from com- “together” + pati “to suffer”. Meanwhile, The Oxford Essential Dictionary: American Edition defines compassion as: “pity inclining one to be merciful.”
Compassion isn’t really about trying to be kind to people; it’s about feeling pity and showing mercy. Realizing this equation helps to understand this quote from Buddha: “Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering.”
You can’t substitute the word “kindness” in that sentence, because it doesn’t make sense. How does “kindness” counterbalance “suffering”? It doesn’t. If fact, sometimes kindness can cause suffering. Think about it. Have you ever had a time where you were feeling down in the dumps and had a friend try to show you a little kindness? How did that make you feel? I know for myself that many times their little act of kindness actually made me feel worse that before. Kindness doesn’t offset suffering.
On the other hand, if you use the word “mercy” in place of “compassion” the phrase balances out. If something is suffering, we can take pity on it and show it mercy. It is through mercy that we can the appropriate action, like showing kindness, or help shoulder the weight, or provide comfort, or even admonishment (though calling a person a “dingbat” may not be the best approach if you want them to see the error of their ways).
Of course, compassion isn’t only something that you do for others. Sometimes you need to perform a little compassion on yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Don’t be harsh on yourself if you’re feeling depressed. Let yourself be imperfect. We all have flaws. As the Dalai Lama says: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
